Showing posts with label KidMin Leadership. Show all posts
Showing posts with label KidMin Leadership. Show all posts

Monday, April 9, 2018

Mindy, Monty, and Ministry: What Comedians Teach Us on Leadership


While some watch sports or cooking shows, I am slightly (ok--very) obsessed with well-written comedies. So much so, that my friends threw me a shower that was themed Saturday Night Live. There was a “Mom Jeans” skit (written by the blogger, Leah Hartman) and more Chris Farley impersonations than one could imagine.

My utmost respect & admiration is given to comedic writers. Laughter is the sweet fruit of the highest form of happiness and these literary geniuses bare this in a simple sentence. Ha! Just like that, that stressful work memory is now silenced by the sound of one's own glee.

While it has been proven that laughter is healing on a holistic level, today I would like to explore another gift that comedians give us, and this the gift of wisdom in our ministerial leadership.

Source 
After the first 5 years of Saturday Night Live, Lorne Michaels (its creator) left the show due to burnout. Want to be sustainable in your leadership? Tighten up those boundaries. 

This can mean different things. To me, it means that I do not talk about volunteer needs when I am off-the-clock unless the person brings it up to me first. I don’t want others to run away when they see me in the bread aisle for fear I might hound them for their time or talent. I also keep healthy boundaries by only speaking on issues that I am “over” (#busychurch) and delegating the rest to the right personnel. This naturally builds up the rest of our team and eliminates some potential miscommunications.  (I won't bore you with thoughts on rest, work, and play, but all I got to say is that Colossians 3:23 teaches us that in everything we do, do it as if we are doin' it for the Lord. So work hard, but play and rest like you are doin' it for the Lord! 😂😉) #ExegeticalHumor

Michaels returned 5 years later armed with stronger boundaries and for forty-plus years now, the show has been killin' it.


Source
Tina Fey shares in her book Bossy Pants that the talent must outweigh the crazy (lack of emotional health) in the comedian in order for the show to be a success. 

A volunteer’s vices must not upstage her talents; if so this is a liability to your team and the reputation of your program. A high maintenance teammate can be a huge distraction from the ministry to which God is calling you. Plus, your other teammates will suffer if the majority of your attention is used on damage-control for this one person.

After the second or third apology to parents, you might need to take a page out of my boss's book and ask, “Is this simply a rough edge of this volunteer who is serving out of her gifts and has loads of potential?” or “Is this is a red flag that this teammate is either A) not emotionally/spiritually healthy at the moment to fulfill this role or B) not serving out of her gifts?” Either case calls for an honest conversation. The latter calls for a potential break from serving or some grace-filled redirection towards a different position.

Source 
The birth 😉 of the Mindy Project by Mindy Kaling taught us that when it is heart-work, you don't just survive the hard work, you thrive in it.

Kaling based her show the Mindy Project on her Mom who was an OBGYN. Her show got picked up by FOX on the same day that her mom passed from pancreatic cancer. To say Kaling is close with her mom is the understatement of the century. She considered her a soul-mate. While the grief was insurmountable, Kaling honored her mom's legacy in doing what she was made to do and created an amAzing sitcom.

When you serve in the nonprofit world, it is a necessity (sometimes) that tasks end up on your plate that are not inline with your gifts/passions/job description. I get it, I really do. However, I would be wary of these tasks taking up too much your time, because they will slowly diminish your grit. Doing heart-work (the tasks that our hearts fiercely beat to do) is how we thrive in the moments of ministry that are gut-wrenchingly hard. Like yeast building up bread, time given to heart-work builds up our resiliency over time.

Source
The Dana Carvey Show taught us that no matter how talented a team is, timing is everything for an idea and to make sure that your vision is the same as your supervisor's. 

In 1996, after leaving SNL, Carvey joined comedic greats like Stephen Colbert, Steve Carell and Heather Morgan in starting his own variety show. Despite all of the talent, this show failed due to its crummy time-slot (It was shoved next to Home Improvement. I mean, come on?!) and the big dogs at ABC trying to squeeze Carvey into a different comedic box than he was feelin'. Seriously--there are so many illustrations on teamwork and innovation in their documentary. You have to watch it, friend.

Think long and hard about the timing of your next big idea. Is it being set up for success by its "time slot"? What does this season of life look like for your parents? Your volunteers? Also, communicate this idea to your supervisor clearly and get him/her on board before moving forward (or else, you will get fired after only 7 episodes).😆

Source
The Monty Python taught us that other teammates are sometimes needed to carry another teammate along. 

Many don't know this, but the best actor in the bunch (their words, not mine), Graham Chapman, was an alcoholic. In fact, he was late and often clueless of his lines while shooting The Holy Grail. Throughout this time, the other Pythons patiently loved him through it and helped him reach his potential as an actor. They believed in him and their love paid off as Chapman went on to star as the lead in their next flick The Life of Brian and totally crushed it.

Sometimes, in order to be a healthy team, we have to fling another's arm around our neck and lovingly carry her towards the best version of herself (personally and professionally). Can I get an amen?!  (I feel a sermon coming, I'd better move on to the final lesson.)

Source
Miranda Hart teaches us that vocational callings evolve and that our talents can be used to offer healing to others along the way. 

Where do I begin? I have so much love for this chummy (actress/comedy writer/ author/director/producer/mental health advocate) comedian's work. I first "met" the fabulous Miranda Hart on her sitcom Miranda on Hulu when I was on maternity leave. Watching it was like taking shots of oxytocin--instantaneous joy and warmth. Her work was such a cathartic release for me during this nervous season, that for the next 3 years while my husband worked nights, I would fall asleep to her show. Yep, I have watched Miranda episodes over 800 times--impressed?😋

Arabelle Weir hit the nail on the head when she said that, "Miranda is the sort of performer whose funniness is timeless. Every tiny thing she does is amusing. She'd have been a great "turn" in 16th century England or 1930s vaudeville. She can't not be funny: everything about her – her expressions, her mannerisms, her pauses, even her silences – are funny. It is an unlearnable and rare quality."

Ok, I will stop bragging about Miranda Hart. (But, here's the link to her show, just in case you want to check it out.😉)

Bottom line--the underlying value of her work is to offer joy and comfort to others. This is shown implicitly through every word she (very methodically) speaks or writes and explicitly in her work with Comic Relief and other causes for mental health.

While serving in full-time ministry comes with its challenges, (That's a whole other comical post.) we get the privilege of joining people in life's most sacred moments. In these times, may we follow Hart's lead and be fully present, and then explosively share comfort or joy.

I am curious to know who your favorite comedians are, please share 'em in the comment section! 

Monday, March 26, 2018

The Samuels Among Us: Jessica Bates


Jessica Bates and fam. 

During March, I will be interviewing four persons who entered into vocational ministry under the age of 25 and remained in that same position for at least 5 years.   

My prayer is that their stories will encourage you who are hearing the faint whispers of the Holy Spirit. And if you are currently in the tough trenches of ministerial work, know that The Call will sustain you--no matter what! You got this because God's got this! 💪✌❤

I want to thank Kelly Lindsley for naming this month's blog series. He is the husband of my favorite teacher, Catherine Lindsley. He is an amazing contemporary Christain artist, and his lyrics are nearly sacramental. (Can I say that?😆)


Building healthy ministries for children and youth demands a great deal of intuition and a mighty love for the logistical pieces that create the programmatic whole. With this said, the gifts of Jessica Bates are in high demand on the local church level. I learned much from her wisdom below, and I hope you do too, friend.

As one who entered into a full-time ministerial career at a young age, is there something about this profession that makes it weird? If not weird, what makes this type of work unique when compared to other professions? 

There are lots of things that make ministry work unique or weird compared to ‘normal’ jobs. Ministry jobs are fluid, meaning our work won’t always look the same week to week. I’m a full-time Children & Youth Director, often times my hours of work are being done outside the church walls. I’ll meet students for coffee, go to their games or concerts, and we have them over to our house for meals and games. I’m not in the office or at my desk for 40 hours a week like most people in the world are. But that’s the part of my job that I love. Being outside the church walls with our students and seeing them use their talents to bring glory to God.

What is one common misconception of those who serve in full-time ministry settings that you would like to correct? 

Many people get confused when I tell them that my full-time job is children & youth ministry. Students have asked me what I do when it’s not Wednesday. And my husband gets asked all the time what my real job is. Working with students & their parents is my real job. A job that I’m called to and I believe a job that God created me to do. I know it’s hard for people who don’t work in the church to really understand what goes into this job. Many people think that it’s just a Wednesday & Sunday job, but there is so much planning and strategy, and prayer that goes into those 1-2 hours of meeting time prior to and after. And some of that the students, congregation, and parents might not ever see.

What was it about this ministerial “gig” that made you feel called to it? What parts were most in line with your gifts/talents? 

I’ve always wanted to teach. Growing up I used to play school all the time. So naturally when it came time to get serious about my future teaching was where I was headed. I was a pretty active student in my youth group, and our volunteer leaders let me have a big leadership role. Recently I found my old prayer journals where I wrote countless lessons and devotions over scripture. I guess God had been preparing me for ministry long before I knew that’s where I was headed. When I was a sophomore in high school I felt the nudge towards ministry. It wasn’t until I sat down with my Sr. Pastor that I discovered that I could be paid to work with middle and high school kids. After a lot of prayers and with a whole bunch of faith I took the jump into the ministry world. I’m teaching now, just not in a school.

By your 5th year, what percent of your job involved these pieces that brought you there in the first place? 

The teaching part is a big and important part of my job, but it’s not everything. I didn’t realize that until I got into youth ministry how much of the job is bookkeeping, calendaring, strategy, and event planning.

During your first year on the job, who was your mentor? What made him/her a good mentor?

I didn’t have a specific mentor. I did, however, get connected to a group of youth workers in Wichita that has helped me grow as a youth director and as a person. We meet once a month for worship, fellowship, and to learn from each other. I always leave those meetings feeling ready to face the next hurdle at church.

What did your day of Sabbath (rest) look like during the first year? What does it look like now? 

I had several people who stressed the importance of Sabbath in my life. Sabbath day hasn’t changed too much over the years. Every person’s Sabbath is going to look different. Mine currently is filled with things that are life-giving to me.

Did you ever have a moment when you wanted to “throw in the towel” (quit)? Sharing as much as you feel comfortable--what all occurred? 

I think everyone who does church work has had a point in their ministry where they’ve wanted to quit. I’ve had the thought of maybe I’m not really cut out for this job after a particularly hard night of programming.

What changed your mind and kept you in the game/ in line with your vocational calling? 

I always come back ready to go after spending time in prayer. I’m really lucky because I have amazing support at the church from our Pastor and other staff as well as parents and amazing volunteers. It’s those people who help me get through the times where I feel like throwing in the towel. And often it’s them who remind me (whether they realize it or not) that this is my calling and this is the church I’m supposed to be at.

What lesson(s) did you learn from the experience of question 7? 

Ministry isn’t about you. I’ve discovered that when I do things I want to do and not what our students need or what God is guiding me to do that’s when it gets tough and when I start to doubt my calling. I also can’t expect to do ministry by myself. I rely heavily on our volunteer leaders. Many times they are my sounding board as I explore what’s coming.

For those youngsters out there who are feeling a Divine Nudge to enter into full-time ministry, what advice would you offer them? 

Do it! The biggest thing that helped me to get where I am are my internships. I worked with a church for a few years and gained so much experience that I still draw on today. Also, find people that will help you to discern your call into ministry. It wasn’t until I went to my Sr Pastor when I was in the discernment process that I learned I could do youth ministry full time. There are so many facets to ministry. So explore them.


Monday, March 12, 2018

The Samuels Among Us: Darci Utt


Darci Utt with daughter, Adah.

During March, I will be interviewing four persons who entered into vocational ministry under the age of 25 and remained in that same position for at least 5 years.   


My prayer is that their stories will encourage you who are hearing the faint whispers of the Holy Spirit. And if you are currently in the tough trenches of ministerial work, know that The Call will sustain you--no matter what! You got this because God's got this! 💪✌❤

I want to thank Kelly Lindsley for naming this month's blog series. He is the husband of my favorite teacher, Catherine Lindsley. He is an amazing contemporary Christain artist, and his lyrics are nearly sacramental. (Can I say that?😆)


Darci Utt has the swagger of a quarterback at a pep rally and everyone, in her mind, is a valuable part of the team. Over the last six years, she has served in #KidMin, #YouthMin, and #CampMin. She is a dynamic force who leads fiercely while intentionally nurturing those in her care. I learned much from her wisdom below, and I hope you do too, friend.

As one who entered into a full-time ministerial career at a young age, is there something about this profession that makes it weird? If not weird, what makes this type of work unique when compared to other professions? 

It is often hard to describe what we do all day. People automatically assume that if you work at the church you are either a pastor who preaches or the secretary. Many other denominations categorize all of their ministry staff as pastors. So to tell someone you are in ministry they assume automatically that means you preach and visit people in the hospital. Youth ministry is a different job altogether and people often can’t believe we get paid full time to do what we do.

I find youth ministry to be unique in that we don’t have students all of the time. Teachers teach all week and have very little time to plan. Youth ministry is almost the opposite, it is a lot of office hours and a few hours of programming and then the rest is spent out in the community supporting our students and connecting with them where they are. Teachers don’t get to do all of that, and yet we are paid often salaries that are comparable to a teacher salary.

What is one common misconception of those who serve in full-time ministry settings that you would like to correct? 

We really are busy all year. There are weeks that might be calmer than others, but our calendars are full. We often work way more than a 40 hour week. And just because we enjoy it doesn’t mean it isn’t work. I often felt like I had to justify to people that I really was working and my job mattered as much as other people’s jobs that people understand.

What was it about this ministerial “gig” that made you feel called to it? What parts were most in line with your gifts/talents? 

As a student, I fell in love with the Bible. Nothing, in school, made me more excited than learning about the Bible and sharing that excitement with others. I didn’t know until college that there were full-time paid ministry positions other than the pastor, so for a long time I knew I was called to ministry but didn’t know it could be my vocation. I knew I wanted to spend my life sharing the Bible with other people. After a season in camping ministry, I knew I wanted to work with youth on a regular basis, I wanted to keep ministering to my campers after they went home at the end of the week, so I went into church youth ministry to be able to work with the same students on a long-term basis.

I loved to teach the Bible, it was my favorite part of the job!

By your 5th year, what percent of your job involved these pieces that brought you there in the first place? 

By my 5th year in Hesston, I was working with an incredible group of High School students who were incredibly in tune to their call to ministry. Over my 5 years there, cultivating a call to ministry in my students was a part of my calling that I didn’t know before I started. Our youth group time was spent deeply diving into scripture and answering the tough real-world questions they were asking on a weekly basis. This was exactly why I got into ministry and working with them each week was an incredible blessing.

During your first year on the job, who was your mentor? What made him/her a good mentor?

During my first year of ministry, I didn’t really have a mentor so I went seeking other’s who do the same job. There is a group of United Methodist youth directors that meet monthly for worship, communion, and support. This group became my lifeline and the place I ran to for support. It is always a blessing to meet with this group and just love on each other!

What did your day of Sabbath (rest) look like during the first year? What does it look like now? 

I didn’t have one. I didn’t know what that meant and after the first nine months I was incredibly exhausted and didn’t realize it. I went to Perkins School of Youth Ministry in January and took a class on Self Care, taught by Ben Wheeler. His view on Sabbath changed my life. He said that he schedules it as a meeting in his calendar so no one can argue that he has free day. And then he spends that day only doing things that fuel him. I adopted that idea when I got back home and kept a weekly Sabbath from that point on.

Did you ever have a moment when you wanted to “throw in the towel” (quit)? Sharing as much as you feel comfortable--what all occurred? 

Weekly! Ministry is an all in kind of job. It isn’t a job that you work 9-5 and go home and be with your family and don’t think about again. Students have real lives that they want your help navigating. There are times when their issues are so large that it is easy to get lost in them and wonder if you and they will ever survive. Other times the church politics makes ministry difficult and you just want to leave and go somewhere where you can be done at the end of the day. And sometimes your students just want to play dodgeball and want nothing to do with your lesson and this can be disheartening if it happens on a regular basis, and you wonder, “why am I here, and am I even making a difference.”

What changed your mind and kept you in the game/ in line with your vocational calling? 

In order to be in ministry for the long game, you have to really discern what it is God has called you to do, learn to separate your family time from your ministry time, even when ministry is your life, and your life is ministry, there still has to be some separation.

Over time I learned that church politics and students not caring were way harder for me to get over than the crazy chaos that students lives would bring to my door. At the end of a day when I wanted to leave, I would sit myself down and spend time in prayer. Usually, during that prayer time, God would bring back to me the names and faces of the students I was called to be in ministry with, and that would fuel my flame again, and I would march on.

What lesson(s) did you learn from the experience of question 7? 

I think one of the biggest lessons I learned was not to feel guilty about receiving a paycheck. I worked at a church that was struggling financially and I would find myself feeling guilty for getting paid. Paul addresses in his letters in the Bible, the need to pay the people who lead the church. I took comfort in these scriptures, and then made sure I was doing everything I was called to do, and earning that paycheck.

I learned a lot of tools for dealing with the real world issues that students face, from running away, boyfriends/girlfriends, to self-harm. I spent time working with these issues a lot and learned how to navigate them.

I also learned how to discern when God is calling you to leave. This was probably the hardest lesson for me to learn. I was completely in love with Hesston UMC and when God called me to leave I was heartbroken. I drug my feet on this one, I did NOT want to go. And God finally pulled me away at what felt like the worst time possible. I left behind a senior class in their last semester. A senior class called to ministry, that gave life and fueled my calling in so many ways, and yet God said it was time to go.

The hardest part of this shift was it didn’t include a job for my husband. I moved my family 45 minutes away, to a church filled with students who just wanted to play dodgeball. My husband didn’t have a job for the first two months we were there, and then it was only part-time for a few months after that. We spent a year struggling financially and I struggled with these amazing students who loved God differently than the ones I left behind.

I definitely struggled feeling like I was making a difference. But what I gained was a strength in my marriage that can fight through the desert times, friendships that were deep and life-changing, and the realization that my calling had actually changed from full-time youth ministry to camping ministry.

For those youngsters out there who are feeling a Divine Nudge to enter into full-time ministry, what advice would you offer them? 

Honor your Sabbath and find a support system!

Wish to know more about Darci's ministry at Camp Horizon

Have you also thrived the trenches of full-time ministry and wish to encourage others with your story? What are you waiting for--email me! 😊

Monday, March 5, 2018

The Samuels Among Us: Joel Wilke

Camp Horizon Director, Joel Wilke and Fam.

During March, I will be interviewing four persons who entered into vocational ministry under the age of 25 and remained in that same position for at least 5 years.   

My prayer is that their stories will encourage you who are hearing the faint whispers of the Holy Spirit. And if you are currently in the tough trenches of ministerial work, know that The Call will sustain you--no matter what! You got this because God's got this! 💪✌❤

I want to thank Kelly Lindsley for naming this month's blog series. He is the husband of my favorite teacher, Catherine Lindsley. He is an amazing contemporary Christain artist, and his lyrics are nearly sacramental. (Can I say that?😆)

Camp Horizon Director, Joel Wilke, has served in this ministerial position for eight years. Joel is a rare breed of servant leader for he is both a dreamer and a doer. (Say what?!) I gleaned much from this interview and I hope you do as well, friend.

As one who entered into a full-time ministerial career at a young age, is there something about this profession that makes it weird? If not weird, what makes this type of work unique when compared to other professions? 

No, I wouldn’t say it is weird.  You have to get used to working with people your parent’s age, but that is the case in lots of professions when you are in your 20’s.  However, I did quickly learn in this profession that people perceive you differently when you tell them you work in ministry. My first year on the job as a youth minister, I had a friend of my wife’s come over to talk about her marriage with us because she basically considered me to be a “pastor” or at least “close enough to God” that I would know stuff.  When people hear I’m in ministry, it can elicit all sorts of feelings about people’s history (good and bad) regarding the Church because I somehow represent the entire church!  Funny things people do around me: 1) Apologize for cussing 2) Hesitate to have alcohol around 3)Awkwardly look at me to pray before any meal gathering.

What is one common misconception of those who serve in full-time ministry settings that you would like to correct? 

It’s a year-round gig!  Ministry never stops and sometimes people assume there are times of the year with not much going on, but in my experience, people working in ministry are always too busy.  Ministry is relational, and relationships are organic and take constant upkeep: funerals, weddings, hospital visits, people in crisis, people who need a listening ear...ministry plays a vital role in all of these settings, and they are not easily or consistently “penciled in” or added to schedules.

What was it about this ministerial “gig” that made you feel called to it? What parts were most in line with your gifts/talents? 

I’ve always felt called to serve children and youth. I love being outdoors, and I love the variety of tasks surrounding camp life.  On any given day I might spend the morning working on financial reports and the afternoon testing out slip n slides for summer camp! Camp is a form of ministry that changed my life and strengthened my faith, and it motivates me to keep this ministry strong for others.

By your 5th year, what percent of your job involved these pieces that brought you there in the first place? 

My role has not shifted much in the eight years I have been in my position.  The things that brought me to camp are still what I’m doing today.  However, this job has definitely matured me in profound ways.  I was always the funny risk-taker, but I quickly realized I had lives, jobs, and budgets at stake.  I still take risks, but they are calculated and well-planned with board member and conference approval, ha!  The nuts and bolts of running a nonprofit can sometimes overshadow the ministry components, and you have to find ways to keep a pulse on what brought you to the job in the first place and where the Spirit is moving.

During your first year on the job, who was your mentor? What made him/her a good mentor?

I had a whole group of mentors that helped me with the various aspects of running a camp.  What made them great was their support and trust in me, even at a young age.   I knew that I could be honest with them, and they created a safe space for me to ask questions without feeling dumb. Many of these mentors came from my site council; I had amazing board members who were invested in the camp and wanted to see both the camp and me thrive.  Also, my entire Wilke family… :)

What did your day of Sabbath (rest) look like during the first year? What does it look like now?  

It hasn’t changed much, I’ve always made it a priority to carve out time for rest and time with family.  The camp schedule changes a lot from week to week, so you have to be flexible to take your breaks in the middle of the week sometimes when you have a lot of groups coming on weekends and holidays.  Because I live on site, if I’m not careful I can go weeks without leaving camp and it starts to affect me, so I’ve learned I have to be intentional.  It doesn’t hurt that I have a beautiful disc golf course right outside my door!

Did you ever have a moment when you wanted to “throw in the towel” (quit)? Sharing as much as you feel comfortable--what all occurred?  

I have never considered quitting in the time I’ve been here.  However, times when I feel like I’ve reached my limit usually come after I have taken on too much.  At one point in time, we were trying to start new programming, trying to streamline office procedures, starting a capital campaign, working on major grounds/facilities improvements, and trying to attend several major conferences all at the same time.  I was running in too many directions and lost track of vision, clarity and purpose.  This is the moment when I have too many balls in the air.

What changed your mind and kept you in the game/ in line with your vocational calling? 

Whenever I get overwhelmed or stressed, I try to keep in perspective that in the big scheme of things, all I am asked to do is to act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God. Micah 6:8. I’m not in this alone.  This isn’t the first crisis, and it won’t be the last.

Life and the camp will keep going without me.  At the end of the day, I’m just one little ministry, on one little planet, in one crazy vast universe.  And while I know God can do BIG things through us, I also know that all he asks of us is daily righteousness.  The big picture humbles me and restores me.

What lesson(s) did you learn from the experience above? 

Keep the main thing, the main thing.  In ministry, there are so many different ways to do our work, and the temptation is to try them all.  I am continually refocusing on what is at the core of our ministry and letting go of everything else.

For those youngsters out there who are feeling a Divine Nudge to enter into full-time ministry, what advice would you offer them? 

Take some leadership, business and communications courses – in whatever field you choose, a strong ability to work with others, write, speak and review financial reports will serve you well! You can have all the theological training in the world, but if you can’t work and communicate with teams of people, ministry is going to be rough!

Find a couple of great mentors - it can help to have someone who knows your world well, and it also helps to have someone completely separate from your world who can hear things with an unbiased filter.  Both have their importance.

Get out there and try things – God often opens doors through our relationships.  Internships and volunteering are great ways to meet people who can help connect you to ministry settings you are passionate about.

To know more about Joel's work with the formative ministry of Camp Horizon in Ark City, Kansas, click here

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Dear Church Shopper,

Four Christmases. Spyglass Entertainment, 2008.
Over the years, there have been many children who have served as evangelists to their parents. A kid plugs into one of our #kidmin programs, and in no time, the parent who was once a mere wave in a car now joins his child as an essential part of the tribe.

There are usually four  types of persons to which these little evangelists introduce me, and their responses sound something  like this;

Before(now) Branded Beatriz: “I don’t mean to cut you off, but we are already strongly committed to another church.  My son is just coming here to be with his friends. Also, please don’t expect me to play any other role but simply dropping him at your church door, and promptly picking him up at 5:30. One last thing, keep the small talk to a minimum, please.”

Radically Rigid Rick: “Before my family commits, I need to see an exact list of all doctrinal statements that have been explored within your denomination over the past 200 years. I want to assure that we will be on the same page 100% of the time on all theological matters. Oh, and the second that someone implies a spiritual thought that differs from my convictions, we are outta here!”

Hesitantly Hanging Back Hal: “Ok, Lady. You’re puttin' off a real ‘Mandy-Moore-from-Saved’ vibe right now and since I didn’t understand most of the words in that service, I’m just gonna smile ‘til you're done talkin’ and then politely leave. Side-note: I didn't know cults had such good donuts.”

Transparently Toying-with-the-idea Tia: “Hey, can we do coffee sometime? I really would like to chat about church. I am not really sure what questions to ask, but I just believe in my heart that my family needs this. We need to focus on the spiritual side of life, and I want to explore the ways that the church can support us in this.”

As always, I leave each well-intended conversation regretting that I did not say more; hence this letter.

Dear Church Shopper, 

Thank you for all that you withstood to get to church this morning. I am sure you endured wardrobe battles with your kids and there is a (big) chance that walking by our greeter led to an awkward conversation; so for all that you sacrificed to check us out-- thank you.

I know you sense the Divine in your life, and you desire to put words to this experience. You’ve come to the right place.  The church can be extremely helpful in this endeavor.

Now before we go any further, there is something I must first address.  I offer advanced apologies for the behaviors of some that you might meet here. Although Christ is transforming lives in this church, some of us still do or say things that are far from Christ-like. To type frankly, there are a few whack-a-doos and jerks in those pews.  Nothing seems to scare shoppers like yourself away quicker, so they have earned this third paragraph.

All of us come with areas of growth, and some in our church community (like in any community) lack a level of self-awareness that would enable them to improve upon these areas. While we do not condone their actions, Christ calls us to see them through a lens of grace and accountability.

Knowing this does not make them easier to love.  And honestly, some might never be easy to love. However, you did not just enter the “United Church of [that whack-a-doo/jerk you just met in the pew]”; nor is it the “United Church of [that very hypocritical Christian from 9 years ago that ruined organized religion for you]”.

This is the church that follows, worships and seeks to become like Jesus (the) Christ. It’s not about their hypocritical acts (albeit these are distracting to our faith). It’s about who we become when God lovingly molds us.  And we cannot become who we were meant to be alone. We were made for community.

While these souls will be part of your church experience, you will also meet others whose hearts beat for justice and mercy. Those who are seeking to be more and more Christ-like every day. Those who, like you, are seeking to do life with an authentic faith community. Those who will join you through life’s deepest joys and darkest days. Those whose love will remove all doubt that God made you, knows you and lovingly creates an abundant life with and for you. Yes--those people are here too (they’re just two pews back).

Christ-led commitment like this in no way guarantees that we will agree on all theological matters all of the time. However, it is our role as your church staff to equip you to grapple through these moments with grace. While this equipping can happen in other places, the church carries this out through studying the Bible, prayer, worship, fellowship and encouraging your talents through acts of service.

Compared to the rest of your week, some pieces of the church-life might bore you. Realistically, I would like to think that this won’t always be the case. I believe that it will become more soul-nourishing as we grow as a community. I would like to think that as we passionately use our talents to serve others, worshipping together would naturally become more electric. However, this might not always hold true.

Three months might pass, and while you are giving it your all, you might still find certain pieces as stagnant, or even-- life-sucking. In these moments of discontent, God could be using you to catalyze our church forward. Please share these thoughts and feelings with our church staff.

While we are not aiming for boring, we will occasionally aim for different. Some pieces of our service might feel a little (ok-very) foreign to you. For any discomfort--we apologize. It is meant to occasionally feel different because it is meant to be sacred. Unlike the rest of your week where you check-it-off your list or are entertained by it, worship calls for a vulnerable participation.

Worship calls for us to be open to the voice of the Holy One as we remember, anticipate and celebrate the restorative acts of God in our lives. The more we partake in worship the easier it is for us to hear this voice throughout our week. Consider Sunday morning as a volume knob. The more you partake, the louder the voice of God resounds in and through your life.

So wear whatever you want, be in whatever mood you want and try turning that knob with us this Sunday.  God has already been speaking to you and we would be delighted to join you in that conversation.

Hopefully & Happily,
Your Church Staff

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

From Idea to Published; My Tips for Making Your First Book a Reality


Have you ever thought you would find joy in writing a book? Have you ever been overwhelmed by all of the online resources for publishing? Are you free for the next five minutes? 😁 If you answered, "yes", to the above questions, you are going to love my tips on getting your first book published. 
  1. Set Your Brain up for Success
    • Watch Mel Robbins’ Ted Talk over the “5 Second-Rule” . There are better writers than you who will never get published because they have not trained their brain for success. It is easy to think you can only write whenever you “feel” creative. Ignore this fickle temptation. If you wait to only write when you “feel” creative, your book will never be written. #truth By simply committing and pushing through any sort of “writer’s block” the creative juices will start to flow. As the tools above and below teach, you control your brain. You can teach it to write well whenever you need. Seriously. Mel Robbins and Ruby Wax have transformed my view of the vast capabilities of the mind. 
    • Read “A Mindfulness Guide for the Frazzled” by Ruby Wax to also increase your attention and creativity through practicing mindfulness. 
    • Watch the amount of hesitation when you write. Write from your heart first, and then with your brain. 
    • Pick a time and space to write that makes it super easy to do the above. 
    • Stay mentally present and only allow yourself to think about the book during your desired writing time. If ideas for the book come to you outside of this writing time, make a physical note of it and shift your focus back to your day. Allowing your mind to dwell on the book for too many hours can lead to analysis paralysis. This will squash any good idea you have. Yikes! Also, stay present in the writing process. Don’t be thinking about self-marketing as you are writing the first chapter. Force your brain to take it one step at a time. 
2. Writing
    • My suggested first step would be to write out an outline/contents page for the book. It does not have to be perfect, it just has to be on the paper. 
    • Want a writing outline template? Here's mine for a nonfiction/ministerial resource book. 
    • Here's another template for novels. 
    • Use this to make your weekly to-do list for writing. After prayer and study each morning, I would open up my laptop to my outline and know what my goal for the next hour was. :) It was very calming for me to see my directions. This also encouraged me to take it one step at a time. 
    • I used google docs, click here to see what they offer for writers. Although, I did run into some issues with end-notes (just an FYI). 
3. Self-publishing
    • Draft2digital.com (This site is super-easy, but they just do eBooks. No formatting is required on your end, and they do not charge to do it. You will receive 90% of the royalties from your sales.)
    • Createspace.com (They do paperbacks and eBooks, but the site is somewhat hard to navigate, and you have to do the formatting, or pay for them to do it. You will also receive 90% of the royalties.) 
    • Reach out to Rennie at kahumau@gmail.com .He is a publishing wiz that teaches self-publishing courses and is willing to help. He teaches at www.beadisciple.com .
    • Canva.com was used for my book cover. 
    • Try to be a guest blogger on sites that “sell” a similar product as your book. (This is easier than it sounds.😊 )YOU CAN DO IT!
4. Self-Marketing
    • Reach out to George Kao at www.georgekao.com (He emphasizes cultivating authentic relationships with your customers/clients. His youtube videos are very helpful.) 
    • Take Donald Miller’s FREE video course at www.storybrand.com .
    • “Make your book stand out on Amazon” with this marketing video with Derek Doepker.
    • Create blog/site with googleplus
    • George Kao teaches to not give in and pay money for Twitter followers. You want to grow an authentic followership. You will get hit up constantly for deals like this once you start using #selfpublished #amwriting in your statuses. Ignore them. 
    • Need a book trailer? Contact Scott at Olney Productions
5. Publish with a Company
    • Check out"The 21-Day Publishing Plan", by bestselling author, Michelle Stimpson. 
    • March and April are the “sweet spots” when it comes to submitting your manuscript to companies. They will have 100+ submissions a year, and they will only choose 10-15. By June they have made their final decisions for books. 
    • Here is a helpful blog on crafting a great cover letter.  
    • Need a copy-editor? Email me or Direct Message me for more info. 
6. These are some Christian companies to which you could submit your manuscript:
Please do not hesitate to reach out to me with any other questions about the publishing process. I am in no way an expert, but I am more than happy to share what I have gleaned from this literary adventure.

Meg

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

A Last-Minute Lamentation; Articulations of Faith to a Child

I will never forget Holy Week of 2014. Our church family had lost one of our own to cancer, and his granddaughter was in our afterschool program. With a numb expression on her third-grade face, she sat in the circle awaiting the Easter story. The funeral had just been a few days ago. As I looked down at my legal pad, I immediately realized that the opening question of describing the sights, sounds, and feelings of a funeral was not going to fly. If I was not careful, this teaching moment could potentially paint an incorrect picture of the church for Jenny.

As you have surely done before, I prayerfully made a last-minute change to my plan and prayed for the best. I was careful not to minimize the importance of Christ’s sacrifice nor sugar-coat it. A gentle recap or an overview would be a gentle transition into the darkness that is the cross. Using our Action Bibles, the passages they had studied that semester came to light again. We spoke of how the entire Bible has been building up to this point. God wanted to be close to his creation and bring it back to him, so he sent his Son to live with us-as one of us. The kids shared ways that Jesus teaches us to have a close friendship with God.  The mild discussion led us to the fact that some of God’s creation will choose not to seek after him, which brought us to the trial and the cross.

I panned the circle to assure Jenny was doing ok then continued treading lightly, “More importantly than the cross, was the empty tomb.” [quick page turn to new pic] “With the empty tomb, we see that there is nothing that will keep us from God. Anything that stands in the way of our friendship with Christ-even death, will be defeated; and through the power of the cross, we too become conquerors in Christ. That is how very much God loves us and desires to bring his creation back to him.”

“How big was the tomb they buried Jesus in?” Sonja asked. Before I could even get a response out, Jenny dropped her face into her hands and began sobbing.

The vibe I was getting from her since she walked in was not to draw attention to her, and  I respected that. Now, the attention was on her, and only her. Not sure of my next move, I whispered a prayer. While wanting to comfort her, I wanted to do it in a way that respected her space. “Funerals are so hard, guys.” (Way to point out the obvious, Meg. Tell us, what color the sky is and while you’re at it-the grass?)

I mustered up the courage to continue, “ No matter whose funeral it is-they are hard. Jesus’ funeral was different than other funerals, though-”

I was interrupted by a young, overzealous theologian, “Because he was God’s son.”

“Yes.” I smiled and went on, “It was different because his funeral AND resurrection were used to teach us that nothing could keep us from a forever friendship with Christ-not even death. Jesus did come back to earth on Easter Sunday. This is very different than our human funerals. We will not see our loved ones again on earth.”

Jenny wiped her tears away and sniffled.  I resumed, “ But-we will see them again. In a different way, we will see them again. We will see them through every story and memory shared, and in a special place that Jesus has prepared for us-heaven. Just like God was at work throughout the cross and empty tomb, he is also at work at all the funerals of his children...even though it may not feel like it. While it may seem dark and sad during a funeral, joy is coming and we can say thank you to Jesus for that.”

Once the session was over, I asked Jenny if I could speak to her in private. I could tell that she still did not want to talk about it. I gave her the church-appropriate-side-hug, and said, “I am so very sorry about your Grandfather. And I also apologize if any part of this lesson was difficult for you today.”

I saw the faintest smile appear on her face.

“Thank you.” She said.

“We love you and your family so much at this church, and we pray you will feel the comfort of a giant hug from Jesus right now,” I said.

“Thanks.” She turned and walked down the hall.

These moments, during which we intuitively, and soundly articulate how the Holy Spirit is moving are monumental in the spiritual development of a child.  Your teammates must not only be able to teach biblically sound lessons, but they must also do their best to read the kids as well.

 It scares me to think of what would have happened had I not prayerfully altered the lesson. A “good” lesson could have been presented without me ever altering it on-the-spot. How would Jenny have felt about organized religion if I would have not sensed the internal and external factors at play for her as a learner? What would her takeaway have been if I was not equipped to offer up a theologically sound lesson on a whim? These. Moments. Matter. And we need to do everything in our power to assure that teammates are equipped with sound theology, and a high (enough) emotional quotient to “read the room”.

Stay tuned as we check out a cutting-edge idea in equipping one's ministry team to soundly articulate how the Holy Spirit is moving in the life of a troubled child. Be sure to subscribe to the right. 😁

Can't wait that long? Own The Bluebonnet Child eBook now!


Meg

Thursday, March 9, 2017

What Needs Our Kid's Prayers Reveal

Conversational tools can be helpful in assuring functional discussions with Bluebonnet kids. Such tools encourage proper listening, while also meeting the needs of more tactile learners. For almost a decade now I have used the same, palm-size painted stone as a talk-rock for varying ages during prayer time. (Yes-I hear ya, if it were smaller, it would be deemed a “prayer pebble”.) The stone is gray, and it was given to me by a camper at Camp Quinipet in Shelter Island, NY where I served as a chaplain. Like many stones on the Peconic Bay, this one is deep gray, and the waters have sanded it down to its soft, lovely state. The camper painted the top of it with different colored stripes. It’s smooth on the bottom, but highly textured on the top.

As a talk-rock, the kids hold it and pass it as they share their prayers. While they sit in a circle, they know that the only person that can speak is the one holding the stone. All the other children must aim to be good listeners. It beautifully sets up prayer time. At the end, I close us in prayer holding the same rock. This stone is more than special to me, it’s sacred.  It holds a subtle power after so many young disciples have held it while tuning into the Holy Spirit.

Over the years, I have heard some charming, prayerful moments. Pre-schooler, Hazel once lifted up this prayer, “Dear, God. My mom says, ‘Hazel, you don’t got a choice.’ But God, all I want is more choices, so if you could give me some- that would be great. Also, thank you for bacon.” And a kindergartener once stated his entire prayer in the voice of a Transformer.. Praise for Pokemon-Go, and strength to unlock the next level occurs often in all the grades.

While these moments are pure and quite humorous, there have been many more moments of holy depth. Transcendent moments of praying with children flood my memories. Many times during our pre-school lunch, I have had to hide my tears. One of my most beloved Bluebonnet Children, Ellis, had a speech impediment. For five years he would offer up the most long-winded prayers; his eyes tightly shut, the stone tightly clenched. No one could understand a single word, but his passion left the room (of other young children) silent in attention. The only word that was clearly articulated was ‘Amen!’. I looked forward to his prayers each week.

There have been times during prayer, that I have cringed a bit, due to some heretical undertones. I have heard fearful prayers towards God (since God killed Jesus), “Please don’t do it again, God.”  Prayers against those who are homosexual have also been offered from these young ones, “Help us to not talk to them”, one 5th grade boy said.  And materialistic lamentations have been prayed more than one can imagine.

You don’t need me to tell you that the "littlest of these" require mentors in the faith to prayerfully articulate how the Holy Spirit is moving in and around them (while also kindly correcting the false teachings they bring with them). While children can sense that something different is occurring as they enter our church doors (hopefully), they lack the language to claim and capitalize on it. Not to mention the fact that some holy hums could easily be drowned out by the noise of the world. As the creator of Godly Play, Jerome Berryman states, “Religious language gives words, narrative, and parables that help us to make sense of our experiences with God, to come to know God better and to make meaning of what we experience and learn in all of life.”

The third and final step in the Triple-A Approach calls for us to theologically articulate the grace-filled hope and new life that awaits these Bluebonnet Children in Christ.

Stay tuned as we take some applicable steps in this theological articulation. Be sure to subscribe to the right. 😁

Can't wait that long? Own The Bluebonnet Child eBook now!


Meg

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Mindfulness in KidMin; Help Your Students Carry Their Emotional Baggage Properly

Not only can we do our best to assure their safety while they are within our care, but we can also fight for their needs by equipping them to care for their own needs. ‘Mindfulness’ is a huge buzzword right now in both the secular and spiritual teaching arenas.  Although this practice is far from cutting-edge, new affirming research has re-birthed it. This therapeutic technique equips one to  fully concentrate on the present moment. In peacefully noticing and accepting one’s thoughts and feelings, he can take ownership of these and guard them from the actions of others in the past or future.

Although, mindfulness exercises can take the form of sculpting a symbol of one’s day out of play-dough or rediscovering one’s groundedness while laying the floor with soft music, one of the original forms was a lesser kinesthetic version- prayer. As one of London’s leading voices in mental health, The Mind & Soul Organization teaches,

 “Within the Bible there is an implicit theology of attention and awareness. Jesus goes off very early in the morning to a solitary place to pray, which is an act of sustained attention (Mark 1:35). Peter and the disciples hunt him down and interrupt him, trying to distract him with what the crowd wants. Jesus switches his (and their) attention back to what really matters and says, ‘Let us go somewhere else – to the nearby villages – so that I can preach there also. That is why I have come’ (Mark 1:38).” 

Not only is Jesus seen prioritizing stillness in the New Testament, but so are our Hebrew ancestors in the Old Testament. The prophet Elijah was striving to hear the voice of God, and while mistakenly thinking it would be heard in an earthquake or a fire, it was found in a still small voice in 1 Kings 19. As a compliment to the Biblical emphasis on solitude, neuroscientists and psychologists offer many helpful resources on the subject as well. One that I have recently found very helpful is “The Whole Brain Child” by Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson. Here, mindfulness is taught to combat the “flight or fight” feeling that many kids experience while in fearful or uncertain situations. Even a child with extreme behavioral  issues has been found to behave better after a moment of mindfulness than he would have after a moment of conventional punishment.

One school in Baltimore has replaced visits to the principal’s office with a mindfulness room and behavior and academic success has never been better. The school is located in a very low-income area with a high crime rate. Many of the children struggle to feel a sense of security and love. Upon entering the mindfulness room a child is led by a trained facilitator through a breathing exercise. Once this is complete, the two begin to explore the emotions that surrounded the behavioral issue. In time the student’s visits to the mindfulness room decrease, and they begin utilizing these helpful methods on their own wherever they may be.

This is such a mighty tool for children to take with them from your programs. While they can’t control the actions of others, students can learn to own their emotions and take control of their reactions. In pausing for a moment of solitude, they can tap into the sense of peace, strength and affirmation that only the Holy Spirit who dwells within can provide. While the concept of mindfulness could have been placed anywhere within the Triple A Approach (be aware, advocate, and articulate), the fact that it arms kids to fight for their own needs outside of your church programs puts it in this chapter.

One of my most affirming moments in ministry was birthed out of a mindfulness exercise. It was during our fifth grade after-school program, Extreme Explorers. I loved this group of nine preteens so much, but if these students had attended the school in Baltimore, they would have spent many  hours in the mindfulness room. This was quite a challenging bunch. Each Wednesday I would go home and research how to present a more engaging lesson. In my research I came across mindfulness exercises.

One day after their routine time of snacking and mingling in the church courtyard, I invited them up to the teaching space. We reviewed last week’s lesson and I shared with them how proud I was of them. I pointed out that I sensed some distracting feelings were being brought into our space and that I wanted to help them take control of those so they could get the most out of EE.  I then showed them a short and powerful video called “Just Breathe” by Julie Bayer-Salzman and Josh Salzman. This amazing bit is made up of children teaching the practice of mindfulness to adults. It’s beautiful.

After the video, I invited them to find a comfortable place in the room to lie down on their backs far from their friends. I dimmed the lights, played some soft spa-like music, and walked them through what is known as a grounding exercise.  This involved focusing on one’s breath-the rise and fall of the abdomen along with tightening and loosening different muscle  groups. Knowing the energetic dynamics of this group, I only allowed three minutes for this. I then led them through an echo prayer. While still lying comfortably, they repeated after me. At this point, the Holy Spirit filled my mouth with different words than what was on my script. The prayer that came out was one of forgiveness for those whose presence or absence had caused us pain. We then prayed to see ourselves as God does-a strong, smart, and loved tween. At this point, my eyes were closed and I heard (what I assumed was long-overdue) snickering.

As I opened my eyes, I saw six of the nine students crying. The other three were respectfully remaining present, while the room was enveloped with a slew of emotions. I was speechless from shock. My prayer was over, but I felt the Spirit nudging me in a different direction. I asked the kids to give a thumbs up if they desired more time.  They all did. For the next five (yes-five!) minutes, they continued to breath, to cry, and to experience the palpable presence that is the hug of God; while I, awestruck, subtly sobbed like a baby in a chair off to the side. I was no longer needed for the remainder of the exercise.

When five minutes were up, I left the lights dim and invited them back together as a group. I had not planned on a time of sharing, but once again-the Holy Spirit had different plans. In a gentle way I invited anyone who so desired to share their thoughts of this moments. This then opened the floodgates to the most vulnerable and deep moment of sharing. Some shared stories of divorced or incarcerated parents. Others shared of the lesser sadness of GPA-inflicted stress and peer pressure. One boy cried with his entire body for his mom that had abandoned him when he was four. I tear up now just at the memory. To my utter amazement, every student was respectful and comforting as the others shared, and what was meant to be a three-minute activity became a thirty-minute one.

In the weeks that followed, they requested more moments like this.  One time when tensions were rising during a team-building activity, Maria jumped up on a chair, turned off the lights and belted at the top of her lungs, “YOU ALL NEED TO CENTER YOURSELVES!  WE ARE NOT COMMUNICATING WELL!” We did many more mindfulness exercises and in time they all grew in awareness and ownership of their own emotions and reactions-despite the poor choices of those in their lives. More importantly, they learned how to tap into the healing voice of God which  resides within. Arming Bluebonnet Children with spiritual disciplines such as these is a mighty way to advocate for them.

Stay tuned as we explore how intentional worship opportunities is one way to advocate for students of troubled homes.  Be sure to subscribe to the right. 😁

Can't wait that long? Own The Bluebonnet Child eBook now!


Meg

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Advocate for Your Students with a Safety Policy

While there may be varying levels of concern for children’s safety (depending on the parent),  I am convinced that ‘safe’ is nearly synonymous to ‘successful’ in our Children and Family Ministry Programs.  The value of security is a top priority for most parents.  One step in assuring the welfare of all is to create a Safety Policy for your church.

Now, before the operational and tactical side of this compels you to hurriedly exit this tab-hear me out. There is a very helpful tool I can offer you to help make this a reality for your church family. It’s called BeaDisciple.com. This is a digital hub for Christian education with professional wisdom at extremely reasonable prices. You will find a course which uses Joy Thornburg Melton’s text, Safe Sanctuaries, to walk your team through creating your own Safety Policy. The course blessed us with a consultant that held our hand every step of the way. With focus groups, data collection, and then the actual writing (and rewriting and rewriting) of the policy, this intimidating task turned out to be a lot more manageable. The course also guides your team in ensuring your policy meets the unique needs of your church’s programs.

It has been seven years now since our policy was created, and it has been so refreshing to have this foundation as we strive to protect the safety of our kids, adult volunteers, and the overall integrity of our program. A supplemental tool that has helped us along the way (and that is required by our denominational conference) is www.safegatherings.com. It makes screening and training for abuse prevention BEYOND simple for our KidMin team.  Safe Gatherings certifications are only good for three years. And our Office Administrator keeps our certification records.

Having a solid safety policy in place sends the message, “We love you with the love of the Lord, and we are going to work our tails off to provide you with a safe, nurturing church family, filled with loving and equipped Christ-like mentors to guide you as you grow in your faith.  Despite the poor soil to which you may return, here at [insert your church’s name] you will learn that God’s grace has the final say in how you blossom in life.”

Stay tuned as we explore the power of practicing mindfulness with your students. Be sure to subscribe to the right. 😁

Can't wait that long? Own The Bluebonnet Child eBook now!


Meg

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Partnering With Difficult Parents

In this line of work, we are trained that parents are the primary faith nurturers and our role is to partner with them in helping their children take their first steps of faith. While a partnership does occur in our attempts to advocate for a Bluebonnet Child, it does look slightly different. As I shared before, 99.9% of the time, Bluebonnet Children were brought into this world by Bluebonnet Children with longer stems. In our service to these children, we will have to learn how to dance with their parents-some more than others. You are the judge of the level of interaction you will have with certain parents. I can recall moments that I intentionally did not share a child’s poor choice with the parents out of fear of what would await that child at home.

While relationships with the parents we serve might vary in appearance, there are some general rules that can be applied to all. One leading voice on this subject is Todd Whitaker. I was blessed to learn from him at an educational conference this year.  And my approach to working with parents has greatly shifted thanks to his concepts. His guidance is not only simple (not to be confused as easy), but also immediately applicable.

There were about twenty of us shoved into a high school classroom in my hometown of Mabank, Texas. Todd bobbed and weaved through the cluster of chairs as he shared. The first challenge was to keep our perspective in check. For example,  if you are dealing with an arduous parent, know that she communicates in a harsh way to everyone. It’s not about you (it has nothing to do with you). But it is the only way she knows how to express herself. Most likely a Bluebonnet Child herself, she is truly living, loving, and communicating to the best of her capabilities. This is not an acceptable excuse, and it doesn't make it right. But that is who she truly is. We must wrap our minds around this awareness before diving into a conversation with this type of parent.

 Once our mentality is in the proper place, we can “sidle up” to this parent before the conversation begins. Instead of facing the person head on, we can stand at their side in a less confrontational way. Knowing that their fury is not about us, we can let them do their own emotional work while we stick to the facts. We are non-reactive, we gather information in note form (where they can see), and above all else, we treat them like they’re good. This is a very powerful point in Whittaker’s teachings. Those who act in such an abrasive or argumentative way don’t know what to do when another responds to them in a calm and collected fashion.

Whittaker challenges us to continually seek these difficult parents out and treat them like they are good.  Go a step further and treat them the same as you do your most faithful and responsible parents. Offer them all of the same opportunities to thrive. Invite them to Bible Studies with other parents and parenting events at the Eagle Nest. Introduce them to other parents at pick-up and drop-off time and ‘like’ their social media updates. Expect the same from them as your most reliable parents, i.e those who volunteer, provide snacks and commit to a timely pick-up. Always (ALWAYS!) welcome them with kindness (even though you might think they are the least capable parent you have ever laid eyes on).  This level of discomfort will slowly alter the dance steps they take with you, which will enhance your ministry as an advocate to a Bluebonnet Child.

Stay tuned as we discuss the value of a Safe Sanctuary policy in your ministry. Be sure to subscribe to the right. 😁

Can't wait that long? Own The Bluebonnet Child eBook now!


Meg

Friday, February 17, 2017

The Do's and Don'ts of Serving Kids of Troubled Homes (sprinkled with a few regrets)

There is this very popular book called Eat This, Not That; Thousands of Simple Food Swaps that Can Save you 10, 20, 30 Pounds” by David ZinkZenko.  In this book, ZinkZenko compares different entrees of varying chain restaurants. Studies are presented to show the surprising caloric difference between a burger from McDonald’s and Burger King. Are you craving a breakfast sandwich? Then (to the disbelief of everyone) eat at McDonald’s, not Starbucks.

As I look in the rearview mirror of serving Bluebonnet Children, there are many ministerial moments that I wish I could have “done this” and “not that”.  Even though I was aware of the family’s story and was aware enough to begin advocating for the child, the steps I took were not the most helpful. Bluebonnet Children long for those outside of the home to champion for them. They desire and require one who not only believes they can be healed from their poor soil, but one who will fight for it as well. A cheerleader, if you will, who is consistently on their side, rooting loudly until their needs are met should be the role of the Body of Christ, but what does this look like?

DO THIS
Our church office is usually hoppin’ with Helping Hand interviews where folks can receive financial assistance for gas or utilities. As the families pass my office, they are sometimes rambunctious-no, dysfunctional, in how they speak to their children. I have begun providing small snacks and a box of blocks as soon as I hear them comin’. I greet them with a smile and some entertainment options. Empathizing with their worldview (Kudos, Payne!), I am able to engage in a conversation with the parents. This not only helps the family feel welcome during a vulnerable and slightly awkward moment,  but it frees up the parent to focus on the interview. Furthermore, another smiling face (in this case, mine) in the life of a Bluebonnet Child is always a good thing.

NOT THAT
As very loud, and impolite families walked by my office to go to their Helping Hand interview, I closed my door before they saw me. Shameful-I know. My heart was re-broken every time I heard how they addressed their children. Once they had left the building, I would often rush to the binder of the interviewee's contact info and stash their name in my mind. I would then bring up the name to my social worker contacts to see if this family was already on some mythical “watch-list” of abusive families that exists only in my mind.

DO THIS
I presented a need for more Bibles at a Church Leadership Council Meeting for the afterschool program that had a growing amount of “unchurched” children. I (thankfully) had all the details lined up and ready. So when a saintly, retired lawyer unexpectedly whipped out his checkbook and asked, “How much do you need?” I was prepared to accept the gift on behalf of the kids. This same Saint would continue to advocate by paying for the therapy sessions of two very dear Bluebonnet Children in our church family.

NOT THAT 
I once wasted fifteen minutes of my life trying to convince a non-convincible parent that it was right to provide Bibles to children who were not members of our church. They “had not earned it” (her words, not mine) by being faithful in their attendance at Sunday worship.

DO THIS?
While shopping at the grocery store, I overheard a six-year-old girl crying uncontrollably in the book aisle. As my husband and I followed the sounds, we found a grandmother repeatedly beating the young girl's hand.

We kept walking, but only for a few minutes. I then turned to him and said, “I have to go back.” Shaking in my boots, I walked back to the books. “Hi.” I said, “Everything OK here?” (As if I had any ounce of authority to ask such a question.)

“No!” the grandmother growled, as she continued to beat the child’s  hand, which was now beet red.

 “She won’t stop asking for candy!” she barked.

My blood began to boil. “Oh, I see.”  I placed my hand on the small girl’s shoulder. “I can only imagine how hard it is to be a parent in moments like this.”

She hit her hand again, and the girl cried harder. “Yea-she knows better!”

Seeing that our conversation was going nowhere, I shifted my attention to the little girl. “I’m sorry we don’t always get what we want. Maybe next time you can get some candy?” She stared at me with wet, blonde strands covering her eyes. To the grandmother, it was as if I was not even there. I only hoped that my presence meant something to the girl. After realizing I was not being helpful, I walked away in quiet tears and loud prayers.

NOT THAT?
I don’t know if I did the right thing in this situation. I wish I would have been bolder. I replay this memory over and over again, wondering how I could have moved differently. There wasn’t a single person in the store that hadn’t heard her cries and moans. Many even saw her continually (CONTINUALLY!) getting hit. Should I have followed her and recorded her license plate number? Did the employees at this store have any obligation to intervene and take action? Did someone step in after me and hopefully do something to help this little girl? I hope so!

I would honestly say that out of the three steps involved in the Triple-A Approach (Be Aware, Advocate, and Articulate), advocating is truly the most challenging. It offers many more roadblocks than our attempts in awareness and articulation. However, in Christ there is hope! By the power of the Holy Spirit, let us explore our options as mighty advocates for the Bluebonnet Children in our midsts.

Stay tuned as we explore the partnership with parents of Bluebonnet Children. (Hint: they are usually Bluebonnet Children with longer stems.) Be sure to subscribe to the right. 😁

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Meg

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Baby Dolls & Legos; Lessons on Nurturing & Refining Volunteer Teams

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If not serving at the church I am most likely in my daughter’s playroom. As an imaginative two-year-old, she adores baby dolls and legos. She loves wrapping the doll in blankets, patting her back, and feeding her broccoli and tuna in a high chair. I join her and do all that I can to assure the utmost comfort for the little one.  This is quite difficult because she just got fed broccoli and tuna.

 After a while of this, the attention shifts to legos. Her standards of a successful Lego session are, “Taller! Taller! Taller!”. Once the structure is complete, my role is to assess the “building” for its stability. With her permission (of course) I spot the unbalanced/out of line sides and add or take away blocks. I know my work is done when the head contractor says, “Good Job, Ma!” and applies force to check my work. 

While juvenile, both of these contain helpful lessons on volunteer team leadership; and, man, do we ever need help! Too bad my daughter’s not a toy soldier fan because there are occasions in the trenches of ministry where that is a much more fitting metaphor.  Propelling a team towards progress sometimes feels like a battlefield; what with its miscommunications, personality clashes, misplaced priorities, and a lack of self-management skills within the squadron. 

I could see why some want to give up on the dream of a healthy team. They want to give up on the relational covenant (1 Corinthians 12:14) to which they have been called. They think their attempts at empathy, prayer,  and reading team dynamic books have all been in vain; and they resolve to simply show up for the remainder of their term.  They stop striving for an ‘A’. They settle for an average grade in the course.

But then I am reminded that Christ did not give up on us nor does he ever. It is for this reason that we should not give up on each other.  We need each other. It is only in Christian community that we discover our true identity (1 John 4:12). In order to become who God created us to be, we can not go at it alone. More importantly, our broken world desperately needs strong ministerial teams (Matthew 5:14-16). (Can I get an Amen?!)
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After years of searching (accompanied by the occasional day of crying and cursing) for the secrets to nurturing and refining a strong, Spirit-led volunteer team, I have come to the conclusion that I have most likely made it more difficult than is necessary. Could the route to a healthy volunteer team be as simple as intuitively nurturing your teammates (as one does with a Baby Doll) while also maintaining a critical, keen eye (as one does with Legos) as the “structure” of the team develops?

The Baby Doll Approach: Intuitively Nurturing 
  • Make it a priority to know their stories. This may occasionally mean a late night text with a prayer concern or a spontaneous chat at your office. Come out from behind your computer and be fully present with them in the conversation. If this calls for hot tea, an impromptu prayer, or a church-appropriate-off-to-the-side hug you don’t want to miss these cues. BE FULLY PRESENT WITH THEM! :) 
  • Create a space of servitude that honors their gifts, personalities, and limitations. While it would be ideal if all of your teammates were emotionally healthy/ self-aware persons, this is not always the case. Some of your teammates might be completely oblivious to their limitations/vices, and God can use you to lovingly guide them towards this awareness (more to come on this in the Lego approach). All this to say, if a volunteer on your team fails, and you did not do everything in your power to set them up for success by honoring all of the above, you are partially to blame. #hardtruth 
  • Establish a position for them that is not only rewarding but enjoyable as well.  Go the extra mile and give them a partner with whom they have good working chemistry. Grant them their preferred days and times to serve. Offer them as little or as much say in their area of leadership as they so desire.
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  • Memorize how they take their coffee or Sonic.  This seems menial, but this small gesture shows they are more than a “bucket-o-talent” to you. They are people with preferences, and you care about those preferences. 
  • While meeting over these drinks, come prepared with some intentional (yet, informal) talking points. These will not only enhance your professional bond with them as valued teammates, but it will also enhance the overall ministry because you are allowing the Holy Spirit to guide the conversation. These questions can be as simple as, “What has God revealed to you about yourself this semester of serving? Are there any talents/gifts from which you enjoy serving that are not being utilized? What parts of your position bring you the most joy? What supportive steps can I take to make this a more enjoyable role for you?” Volunteers are (most likely) over-committed people. If they pressed pause on their lives to meet with you over a latte, make it worth their while.
The Lego Approach: Strategizing Keenly & Critically  
(Now before you go running for the hills with discomfort, hang with me. :) The Lego approach will be much easier if it is preceded by the Baby Doll approach. They work interchangeably, but the Baby Doll approach should be the foundation to create a healthy team dynamic.)
  • A volunteer’s vices must not upstage her talents; if so this is a liability to your team and the reputation of your program. A high maintenance teammate can be a huge distraction from the ministry to which God is calling you. Plus, your other teammates will suffer if the majority of your attention is used on damage control for this one volunteer.  After the second or third apology to parents, you might need to ask yourself, “Is this simply a rough edge of this volunteer who is serving out of her gifts and has loads of potential?” or “Is this is a red flag that this teammate is either A) not emotionally/spiritually healthy at the moment to fulfill this role or B) not serving out of her gifts?” Either case calls for an honest conversation. The latter calls for a potential break from serving or some grace-filled redirection towards a different position.
  • Whether your team is experiencing growing pains or abusive pains,  it is your job to address them. While you, “cannot fix [the teammates described above], it is your job to control them and in some cases protect others on your team from them.” teaches Todd Whittaker.  In his fantastic book, Shifting the Monkey; The Art of Protecting Good People from Liars, Criers and other Slackers,  he equips you to handle the most difficult personalities on your team in a strategic (non-manipulative)  kind of fashion. I seriously cannot brag enough about this book! Click on the above link to read the description and prepare to have your mind blown and your ministry improved. 
  • Communicate the “right” way. Varying levels of personalities, life stages, and situations call for different types of communication outlets. Keenly discern the best one. Does the topic at hand call for a text, email, phone call, face to face in your office, or a walk around the park? Each of these has their perks and drawbacks, and choosing correctly will prevent fallout from potentially sensitive subjects. ‘Typing’ from experience, many a bad day will be prevented if the right communication route is chosen.
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  • “No” now does not mean “No” forever. Think critically of the ideal timing of recruiting based on a person’s life.  If the Holy Spirit has led you to call this person, don’t give up on ‘em. Now, this is not synonymous to pestering. If seamstress Sandy says sewing (complementary tongue twister) for the Christmas play is too much with her teaching schedule, then make a note in your calendar to call her in June for the VBS costumes. You know as well as I that their hearts are hungry to serve, they are simply awaiting direction. 
  • Maintain professional boundaries. This can mean different things. To me, it means that I do not talk about volunteer needs when I am off-the-clock unless the person brings it up to me first. I don’t want others to run away when they see me in the bread aisle for fear I might hound them for their time or talent. I also keep healthy boundaries by only speaking on issues that I am “over” (#busychurch) and delegating the rest to the right personnel. This naturally builds up the rest of our team and eliminates some potential miscommunications.  
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Meg